I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
