So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
