I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
