there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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