I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
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