I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
