Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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