some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
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