That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
