Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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