drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
