i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Randomize
