Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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