I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
