i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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