I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
