....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
