My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
