Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
