Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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