What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
