the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
