Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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