i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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