Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
