I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
