I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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