He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
