he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
