What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
