Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I want her autograph on my taint
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
