I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
