You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
