and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
