I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm having to shit out rocks
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
