I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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