I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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