My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
