so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
