hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
