he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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