how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
