be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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