I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
