woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
