I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
