i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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