I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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