I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
