i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
God, I missed his penis.
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