im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
